Gossip and the Lives It Destroys

I started this blog as an outlet, as writing has always been for me.

I hoped to be able to write what I could not eloquently speak, connect as my time has yet to permit, and relate in a way my mind and soul crave.

Just weeks after starting this blog, an entry regarding my very personal and intimate family struggles with my mom has apparently culminated in destruction beyond my wildest imaginations.

Apparently a few individuals assumed my struggles with my mother extended beyond my immediate family and that personal boundary that defines us . . . instead they assumed that such struggles permeated every aspect of her life.

In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth.

The reason I wrote that blog entry is that I felt so alone in my dance with my mom because her struggles are something very well confined to our private family space.

The struggles I shared were a personal reflection of what we as a family have had to deal with alone in that space where families struggle and hide . . . personal space.

But assumptions were made and then accusations, gossip was spread, and now my mom's job is on the line for being some sort of drunk or drug addict (never seen her do an illegal drug in my life) . . . and addiction is now rumored to affect her work life.

I can assure you that my mother's struggles at home have never permeated her work life. I speak with her at work on a near daily basis. We go to lunch frequently. My mom's work time is among the safe times when I know that I can always call on her.

All of this fallout is so ironic and overwhelming, and because this is an outlet (albeit now clearly a very public one), I'll take the opportunity to capitalize on my audience and address a few people.

To My Mom's Employer (you know who you all are)--
Since the day my mom decided to be candid and honest with you about her illness, you have been fighting for a way to get rid of her. Americans with Disabilities Act be damned, you have struggled to created problems where there were none, failed to document crucial communications that supported my mom's frustrations and points of view within the organization, denied her the staffing and administrative support necessary to run a growing and thriving medical practice, and forced her to take test after test to prove to you that she isn't a liability.

She passed all your fucking tests and instead of celebrating the competency and devotion of an amazing physician dedicated to medicine over money, you hung your heads and went back to the drawing board to go at her again.

You as an organization, and in particular a number of egotistical, sexist, and self-centered fucks have caused more pain and destruction than you will ever realize. You have caused my mom to shake with tears and sadness. You have brought her to the point of illness from the sheer exhaustion of constantly trying to battle back against your attacks. And yet, through it all, because of the love of her job, and the dedication to her patients, she still shows up every God damn day to work ready to give her all to the work that has defined her life. Ready to see the Medicaid patients that you have ordered her to turn away, because she knows that she is their only resource, and she refuses to put money in front of people (something you may occasionally consider yourselves).

How the individuals that hold the power in that organization are able to sleep at night defies reason.

To the Individuals Who Thought It Their Duty To Forward My Blog To Said Employer:

You may have cost my mom her job, and such a cost was completely unfounded.

You may have cost this community an incredibly valuable medical resource . . . God help you if such a unique illness befalls your own family and there is no one in place to come to your aid.

You may have cost me my relationship with my mother because now I admittedly am the source of struggles she deserves no part of.

You certainly have cost yourself a lot of dignity and credibility by fueling a sick game of "telephone," where the message you spread becomes so convoluted and unintelligible that it resembles nothing of its original form.

In closing . . .

I have read so many blogs from people out there in need . . . blogs in which the community comes together to rally around a little girl with Downs Syndrome, a woman who is struggling with infertility, or a couple who has lost their child.

Such support is what I sought in getting into all of this blogging bullshit.

Well my mom, she is in need. She has a terminal illness. It has not yet manifested its debilitating symptoms, thank God, but can you imagine knowing you were going to die and not being able to do a fucking thing about it? Can you imagine the distress that causes? The tendency to feel anxious and let your mind wander to the worst? Can you even conceptualize how you would react?

My mom has reacted by continuing to help others for as long as that is possible.

Sure, in her family time, in the sanctity of her own home, she sometimes gives into the struggles and distress. But those are our family struggles. Not yours.

To you, my mom gives her all.

From you, she deserves the same.